How EMDR Saved My Life
A personal message from our founder, Tracy Petrucci
The following stories of my life never fit into the narrative of my business, until now. While bumbling along, sometimes feeling shallow in my work, I realized I needed to be doing more. Not just thinking about it, but really making movement toward it. I’m past those early days of struggle, the business is thriving and profitable, and I need to stop and give back. When trying to find a cause to align with our brand, I had a hard time, because I have always been so troubled by so many things in the world.
Over the years I’d rally for certain issues, always surprised when others didn’t care the way I did about the topic. Someone once said to me, “Well, everyone has their thing.” I was offended at first, but after witnessing my lack of enthusiasm for some of my peer’s causes, it finally clicked. There is only so far we can go when trying to make change for something that we haven’t experienced ourselves, and can never fully understand.
How could I pick something for my business when there are so many things that trouble me, but so many of them haven’t affected me personally? How will I be authentic in my outreach? Finally, during a meeting where I was trying to rank and prioritize all of life’s issues that bothered me, I realized there is something I am extremely passionate about afterall, and when I realized how many people spanning these different issues that trouble me could be reached through this cause, I knew I had my answer.
When I ask someone, “Have you heard of EMDR?” the answer is almost always, “no.” After describing it, it’s inevitable I see that spark of hope flicker across their face that indeed, there is something else they can try to heal from a trauma. I have found a passion in the education of EMDR and how it changed the course of my life.
When I was in high school, I was in a car accident with my best friends. I was in the backseat, in the middle between two sisters. They both flew out of the car, in a scene that plays through my mind to this day, and one of them passed away that night. The other survived and became like a sister to me, and we developed an unwavering love and connection that is impossible to describe. 15 years later, that sister was living with us while she made some difficult life decisions. One night, she had an eclamptic seizure, and beyond my best efforts to save her, she passed away on my living room floor.
That was that. I went numb. I was thankful for my work to distract me, thinking what I went through was nothing compared the horrors that happen around the rest of the world, or what her parents had to go through, now losing a second child. But then it caught up to me. I started to become depressed on a level I had never experienced. I felt all the sadness of the world on my chest and I could never breath. I could never laugh. It scared me. One night, while standing outside at a party chatting with a stranger about my experience, she told me I had PTSD. I didn’t quite understand how I could have that, but I started researching it, and I realized there are many ways that PTSD manifests, one of which described all of the ways I was feeling.
To be honest, I don’t remember who suggested EMDR. It may have been my marriage counselor, who at that point admitted he could not reach me, and could not help me. It may have been that woman on the balcony. I don’t know, but I know that it changed my life.